Frustration

My frustration with running has gotten the best of me lately.  I know I suck at running, but I haven't given up. But I came close.  The last week has been pure torture.  I can't think of a single run I went on that hasn't sucked.  Usually I'll have one or two really good days where I feel I did great, but not lately.

I seriously thought of quitting.  First time EVER.  I cried.  Al looked at me like I was crazy.  I cried more and told him I wanted SO BAD to be better at this.  That after all this time, why couldn't I run longer?  Why had the weight stopped coming off?  Why was so-and-so better than me?  Why do I even bother? 

I feel like a joke.  I try to motivate myself - hell, people tell I'm motivating THEM to run and be healthy.  Wow - if they only knew how sucky I was at running they'd probably just go eat a whole gallon of ice cream.  I know I would.  I guess you can tell Running and I are not on speaking terms.  It's been hard.  I have goals I want to accomplish, goals I want my kids to see me accomplish and learn a life lesson.  So when they saw me crying my eyes out over a crappy run earlier this week, I felt like I'd hit rock bottom.  It's not a pretty place to be. 

So what am I going to do?  I'm taking a few days break from running.  The silent treatment is what I usually do best anyways (ask Al!).  But I do plan on sticking it out.  I posted on FB how frustrated I was and I had so many friends give me great encouragement.  You guys have no idea how much I needed to hear (see, whatever) that!  Al is super supportive too....he's even willing to start my training program over with me.  He hasn't ran in a while either so we should be on even ground.  (Although Al has always been a better runner - he has a push that I haven't been able to muster.)

Running hasn't beat me yet.  It's definitely giving me a RUN for my money though!  (Pun intended) Up and down are normal folks and I guess I'm in a "down."  I'll get back up though - maybe one day you'll read this blog and I'll actually say "I LOVE RUNNING!"

I wouldn't hold my breath though if I were you.  :)